(Shitting can be great fun happy times)
For most of the people that crap these days dumping down is a rather mundane and sad process. Ew, it smells like shit. I just sat in piss. What the hell did I drink last night? Or one of my favorites, realizing mid-dump that you have to waddle downstairs to get napkins because you don’t have toilet paper. It’s one thing after another on the cons and nothing on the pros. Think about it. No one talks about how lovely their shits are (except me to myself while i’m on the john because no one else cares, which is completely understandable). While there really isn’t room for debate on how gross shitting is, one can take private pleasure in certain activities while using the toilet. I call them “toiletivities”.
Drinking a beer
I just realized I haven’t done this one in a week and I have to excuse my dinner from my bowels so be back in a jiff! Alright, that felt great. I highly recommend this one because the beer not only acts as a tasty beverage but an odor blocker for your nose. (For all I know I just took an Oktoberfesturd). In fact, I bet having a mixed drink would be nice too so let’s just say drinking an “adult” beverage is a sound idea.
Calling your friends
I’ve been on the receiving end of these calls more times than i’d care to remember but the bold are rewarded. You crap, you call, you chat. You crap-n-chat. Two birds, one shit.
Going through junk mail (thanks Kyle)
Weed out those 2-for-1 toilet paper specials!
Smoking a fatty
Ohhh this little doozy. Smoking green? Check. Depending on the stank of your dank? Odor masking. And last but not least, you’re still taking a shit! See how much fun this can be? It’s quite the cleanse. You let something go, you take something in. A splash of cold water to the face (after) and it’s like being reborn (but high).
Clipping nails
Sanitary multitasking at its finest. Clipping your fingernails is a tedious to do so why waste time by doing it as a solo task? Get it out of the way before it gets in your way. Advising someone to clip their toenails while they’re blasting ass is ill-advised because the combination of dirty feet and dukey may lead you to pukey.
Singing
Singing is fun no matter who or where you are. Be it a trained vocalist or karaoke cop out, singing is a good time. Get those lyrics for your next karaoke session or opera solo down pat, and work on breathing and controlling your diaphragm. (Good breathing techniques are also great for pooping). Hell you could even ad-lib a song about how bad your shit may stink, but at least you’d have a laugh doing so.
-Billy Mummy
