Animal feelings
I looked a puppy straight in the eyes the other day and said, “When I grow up I want to be just like you!”
His favorite color is buckskin.
June 2011
29 posts
May 2011
30 posts
I wrote ten times or more
The dreams have been creeping up on me. I won’t remember for a week or so and then out of nowhere i’ll have dreams more vivid than my waking life. They’ve all been focused around a couple of things and I started writing some prose within a dream last night. I decided to take what I had remembered and write it down in the middle of the night and then finish it during the middle of the day with what I remember from my dreams. The italics are from my dream…
This life is half off because it’s guaranteed to break
so when I float downtown with a prism dancing on my pants
the elevator island becomes a loneliness trance,
but my thoughts don’t have cancerous intentions
only enough vice to make a heathen think twice.
Loving you was my only feat
so I drove down your street and saw it torn up by summer heat.
Reliving a night in Elisium
haunts me like a ghost,
my past became a ghoulish mansion with a half dead host
Rapt Review of Jurassic Park
I don’t know what to write about. My mind wonders too much and some great movie is on. I could make some snide remark about why my mind is wondering but this is already becoming redundant. Whatever my mind was going to think about, gone. It’s being trounced in importance by the awe-inspiring cinematic adventure unfolding before my eyeballs.
Ah there, I remember now. Oh wait, sorry. The kitten I live with looked at me and it’s just so damn cute all I cared about were pillows and clouds. But back to the point, I live c™™™™™™1443777777773pppppk with a kitten. It was typing and trying to say hello but it’s young, stupid, and doesn’t know english. It almost pissed on my keyboard so it’s on the floor now. But anyways, this movie is so good! All the magic of a lawyer getting killed, the old man young boy mouth to mouth! Sweet Jesus I haven’t wanted to cry like this because of a movie since I watched Titanic 2.
What to say about the poop play, just elbow deep in shit with children watching is obscene but I love it so much. This movie should have been nc-17 now that I write about it. However, it does have some socially redeeming qualities such as: people will do anything for money, never fuck with hurricanes, and life finds a way. On the flip side the playful bunny tension and subtle romantic gestures by one maverick scientist really drives it home. It has the sexual tension of a fake porno on Starz. Shit, wait, is chatotician even a word? I’ll find out later when I don’t remember what i’m writing about right now. My roommate just chimed in said, “Write about how you’re an idiot.” Yeah sure, takes one to know one you gravy train. I’m the idiot for letting you interrupt my train of thought. Fucking great, dinner is now and some children are screaming bloody murder outside my place. I’ll finish this shit tomorrow, maybe the day after.
Well i’ll be damned, I picked it back up the next day. I’m still sitting in the same place so it’s almost like I wrote this review in one sitting. Honestly, I could barely take my eyes off the screen for more than a few seconds at a time. It’s roughly two hours and seven minutes long and it consumes you like the dark of the night. Sweet moons of Jupiter I forgot to mention that Samuel L. Jackson is in it. You know you’re in for a great time when he has lines in a flick. That was more than likely the selling point for the entire movie. Opening credits are rolling, people know they’re in store for the greatest feat in special effects and mechanical animation to date, but when Samuel L.’s name came on screen people went ape shit. Forget the first time they see a di-oh my god the kitten is staring at me again and he’s just so helpless.
He’s helpless like children in a biological theme park are when they’re pitted against nature in what is more than likely the ultimate survival story ever told, fact or fiction. I have to talk about this before I forget so it’s going right here. The little girl in the movie is so damn dumb! It’s one thing after another with her and her frightened pre-teen girl antics. The only instance i’ll mention is that turning on that flash light still pisses me off to this day.
Really though, this movie is terrifying. Sure some people took their kids to see it and figured they wouldn’t be shook by it. “Only children get frightened by such things,” mommy and daddy would lovingly say to each other. But when they were faced with a thirty foot tall Jeff Goblum blocking the clutch rendering himself seconds away from death! That is what we call pure terror.
In retrospect, the story line was far too predictable but that’s probably because i’ve seen this movie upwards of fifty times. I don’t even know what I just wrote, but I can tell you in so many words that Jurassic Park is one of the greatest movies of all time. *
* I finished this review and forgot about it for a week.
chumba wumba plays the soundtrack to my life!
So these photos are the fitting accent to style my guide. Wait, reverse that.
Paper
Rafter
Sometimes you work til the wee hours of the morning always to get minimal sleep.
Then you dream of a pure white racetrack with things racing around it so fast you forgot what you bet on because it sure as hell wasn’t money. Champagne glasses long like a giraffe’s neck and celesial sewage dripping out of my ears while I sleep. Sometimes you have days, and then some days have you.
Rafter interview coming soon.
Rafter - Paper. Off the album Animal Feelings.
Sunshine
Girlsareshort
You’ll have to excuse me for liking jams that sound like new Koji Kondo. This is actually old Al-P work, the shorter side of MSTRKRFT.
Girlsareshort - Sunshine. From the Album Earlynorthamerican
Super Skate Video to Impress Your Friends
The days are getting longer just like my pubes and this means we all have more time to skateboard. Even if you don’t skateboard you could. It’s a free country. Here’s a nice way to waste time in the funnest way possible because the only person that gives a shit about the height of a hubba or rocks on the ground is the kind of person who will want to watch these videos.
Link the night away:
Enjoy yoself!
Play
Is Yoda a Word?
That fine alignment of the english language is brought to you by my roommate. Not only did she say that to me, she was asking if she could use it in a game of cell phone Scrabble. It should come as no surprise that she’s also addicted to soup, pot, and music I show her.
The last part is really important because I feel like being insanely selfless today and sharing eleven shades of cool in the form of The Cars new album. Click on the portrait of my roommate, Momma Venkman, and be led to 1980s style Elysium. I’m even letting Momma Venkman take part in the sharing. You’re welcome. That’ll be $20.
Everything She Wants
My weekend was funner than the first season of Family fucking Double Dare.
Here’s proof.
Things People Do That Most People Don't Do
Technically evolution and survival of the fittest suggest that things evolve over time indefinitely. This may be true for some entities in this world but i’m not sure if homo sapiens are one of them. Also, I think the place I live is an enabling mega metropolis for being, ah, what’s that’s word? Oh right, dumb.
Albuquerque can’t take all the blame though, that would be self-centered and rude of it. Luckily, it shares the story with dunce dicks around the world and that’s why these things happen:
Birth in portable toilets:
A few years ago a woman was at a public park in Cambridge, Maryland, went into a Port-A-Potty and birthed a child. Right after having the baby she left the newborn in the stall and asked a construction worker for a fucking cigarette. Noticing her newborn end trails, a construction worker tried to go into the stall and he was told not to because a baby was in the stall. The police were called and that crazy baby having harlot had her kid snatched and got locked up.
Calling in the police on your own robbery:
Over the weekend a couple of buddies were galavanting around Clay, New York, robbing businesses amidst getting ready to rob more. One of the these smart guys ended the gambit by pocket dialing 911. The 5-0 listened in for a while, got the bandits’ location and the the easiest time stopping criminals anyone’s ever had.
Forgetting to put your dick away after you pee:
In Albuquerque, there’s a park where tons of homeless harry’s hang out and the city figured it’d be a great place for a skatepark. We hang out there from time and time and when you’re not skating you can spectate on as Albuquerque’s greatest demographic entertain the shit out of you and your friends. One day one of these estrangers walked over to a tree and started pissing on it. Shortly thereafter the golden showering he turned around and started talking to birds. The birds and fellow onlookers were terrified to see that crazy carl had forgotten to put his dick away. Ten minutes later he remembered why that breeze felt so damn good and packed up.
Getting head while pooping:
Way more people do this than I care to acknowledge and that makes it even worse. Shit is shit and that shit is gross. The area that isn’t covered by butt cheeks on a toilet seat is the worst place to be in a bathroom when you’re shitting in it, yet some girls (and guys) find it so comfortable that they can suck a dick there. The fumes that come up from your poop are being vented out right there, so if you’re into combining the smell of one’s fromage de bite and shit stew then go for it. I usually don’t curse this much but this subject upsets me.
“There are no more great days, just days.” - Milhouse
Play
Waiting for that final moment
Today will be like most other days where people get drunk for a cause they hardly know something about, but this time it’s different. Not because of the drunken debauchery that will ensue all day, but because of the videos i’ve stumbled upon from being on the net for two minutes.
One is for every skateboarder out there and if you’ve ever skated NYC you know how amazing this little gem is.
One for every guy ever to get weird.
Dulcis amor patriae = Sweet is the love of one’s country
Fright Night [Dam Funk remix]
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti
California funky Dam Funk just released a remix of Ariel Pink’s “Fright Night (Nevermore). Honestly, the original has been and will remain the best version. He didn’t even put that “Durroopp!” part in it, which kind of bugs. This song could have been a poolside summer jam, but instead Dam Funk Dam fucked it up. It starts off cool, calm, and collected but then fluctuates back and forth as if he didn’t know which direction or speed he wanted take. Hmmmm, I remember my first time cramming apples.
I PRESENT...
Dr. Peter Venkman, the newest member of my household. It’ll be nice to have a doctor in the house as I think it will provide a level of excellence and understanding that most people strive for. Lucky for me I can rely on a kitten for it.
Bin Laden Went to College, Who Cares?
So now that Bin Laden is dead everyone has something to say about it. It’s true. Even the cashier at Dunkin Donuts and the bank teller at Wells Fargo. I know this because I talked to them. I asked some randoms in person and checked out some Facebook groups to see what they had to say.
Dunkin Donuts cashier: He’s more interesting . You know he has friends and family so it’ll be funny to see how mad they get and what they do.
Wells Fargo bank teller: I’m military so my chances of getting deployed are much slimmer . But really the danger starts now because he’s dead.
Jensen: This bitch was harder to find than Waldo!
George W. Bush: I couldn’t imagine someone like Osama Bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.
A man tweeting in the town where Bin Laden was found, Abbottabad, unknowingly covered the raid on where Osama was found and killed without knowing it. The town where Bin Laden was killed, completely shut down due to the raid in which Bin Laden was killed. Photo courtesy of Sohaib Athar, the man who tweeted the story.
Dead Disney, Dead Terrorists
